Learning From My Mistakes
I have been extremely productive for the past several months. Pushing myself to the limit every day. No slack, no excuses, pushing harder and faster and reaching my goals. But I can't say I was content. I began creating a demo Holistic Health program that I wished to initiate this fall along with several herbalists and holistic health programs, workshops, and courses I designed. I figured it would be a lot of work for the first few months, but the rewards would be awesome. I got caught up in the hype of my own dreams and aspirations and ignored my health. Warning signs started to pop up and I ignored them because I wanted to stay on schedule. I short changed myself in the areas of sleep, nutrition, personal dreams, and aspiration to hit this career mark that I set for myself. I was almost there and then my body collapsed on me.
I lost all energy and my body was riddled with pain. All appointments, plans, aspirations, product listings, and new e-products were put hold. All because I had betrayed myself and disobeyed my one carnal rule that applies to my body, mind, and spirit. The one thing that I lecture clients about all the time. Always put your health first because once it's gone you may never get it back.
Now I lay in my bed wondering why; why did I ignore the obvious, why did I treat myself so badly, was it worth it, obviously not. I was ordered on bed rest and suffering from severe exhaustion. My 3-4 hour night sleep , non-stop work ethic and skipped meals had taken a toll on me. My body, was angry with me, my mind felt neglected and my spirit was disconnected.
I thought I was doing something really good, but for whom I'm not really sure. What's the purpose of putting out all this holistic health information out into the WebSphere and then it kills me in the process? Time to reorganize my life, priorities and listen to that little whisper in my head. " Nefertiti your spirit wants to grow".
I had put on hold, my spiritual studies to focus on career goals. I never felt truly right about it, but due to outside pressures I ignored that inner voice and talked myself into directing my efforts into making loads of money and pursuing this material goal which wasn't really me. I wanted to expand my practice, but after talking to financial advisors who were not spiritually inclined they directed me to the bottom line and dollar signs. I traded in my spiritual mentors for those who worshiped the dollar because they were able to feed an insecurity in me that worldly desire to fit in. I wanted to be part of the business community and recognized as a successful practitioner/business woman. I applied their ridiculous timeline and decided to measure my success by income instead of assisting people in changing their lives.
The one thing that I failed to notice is at the time the people who gave me the financial advice were in extremely poor health, Yes, they had money and lots of toys and trinkets, but around every 4-5 months their body would break down and they would be out for around 1-2 weeks.
The scariest part for me was in the middle of this process of working like a dog it became a chore, the dreaded claw the one thing I hated doing. I recognized I was adapting their pattern and where it would eventually lead, but I didn't want to quit and look like a failure. So I pushed on right through the pain to the greatest lesson of my life.
Now I look at all the things and products I created and I hate it, I hate it all because it wasn't birthed out of my spirit but from my carnal sensual desire to feed the body's senses. To achieve pleasure from financial gain that can be accessed through the physical senses, sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing. When I viewed/read what I created it felt to me ugly, empty and void of edification; so I chucked it all.
So from my sick bed, I dragged paper and pen in order to center and draw out the disdain for my past creation. I began to doodle, scribble, eventually, I began to outline and wright what I really wanted to create. I looked at my notes and began to smile. Over the next few weeks My body slowly began to heal, my mind unlocked and my spirit released a huge Ahhhh. Before I was forcing myself (Again Ugh!!!) Down a path that I was never meant to walk on.
Maybe in the future, those products will be great for me and even make me a lot of money one day but it is the wrong choice for me right now. And deep down inside I knew it through the whole process. When I didn't agree with my business mentors, they defiantly stated how much money they made compared to me so I bowed down to their material wealth as if it was equal to wisdom; big mistake.
I don't want what they have materially, physically or spiritually, I want what is rightfully mine, which means walking the path created for me.
Now that I feel better and quickly moving towards recovery and realignment of mind, body and spirit, I have a deep respect for my physical health and look forward to eating living organic foods, getting at least 8 hours of sleep per night, dedicating the first part of each day to spiritual studies/meditation, in addition to reading books to feed my spirit and educate my mind. I look at all the past work I created and see how far away, I drifted from my path as the files and paperwork are stored away for safe keeping. I don't consider this experience a waste of time, but a valuable lesson on respecting # 1 my health, #2 My vision for my life #3 Who I allow to advise me on it.
Holistic Health Practitioner - M. H. Master Herbalist, (RMP) (RMT) Reiki Master, LC Life Coach
Certified Master Herbalist , Certified Life Coach, Certified Reiki Master Level 3 Practitioner & Teacher , Hippy loving, Animal Lover, Educator,